sunday

Jun. 14th, 2015 09:51 am
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Went downtown for coffee this morning, then sat by the fountain in front of the catherdral and listened to a guy play saxophone in the sunshine.
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The surgeon told me that once she removed my girl plumbing, I'd be way safer from cancer in the future but I would go into medical menopause immediately. We're supposed to wait and see what that looks like because if I somehow don't need hormone therapy then that helps guard against future cancer too.

So far, though, it's looking like I need me some damn something. I mean: damn.

I am as mouthy as a tipsy delinquent.

Then comes the regret and the weeping.

HALP.

Also: unfollowing people all over on Dark Matters' twitter because everything offends me.

ME!

What the? Why, you! I oughtta!

On the flipside, my brain working different isn't ALL horror. I've suddenly decided life's too short, etc, and am planning trips all summer to chill w/loved ones. Also: realized I must be less of a bastard to my dad. And I'm finally buying Misha the Rescue Kitty a Thundershirt to see if it'll help with her thing about thunder. People swear by 'em.

So I don't know what the hell is going to happen next but apparently this is menopause.

Will I still love porn?

IDEK
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We're crazy. Dark Matters? Nuts. We've decided to create a not-for-profit organization out of our biz to raise the profile of POC in geek culture. OMG. So we're about to create our biz plan and start working up a crowd-sourcing campaign, then we're going to research and apply for private and public grants.

It could be amazing.

Half the time I want to puke and think we're idiots and half the time I am ridiculously happy and or calm and have zero doubts.

I mean.

The other day, I got to interview this online writer. His family is from India, he grew up in South Africa, he wrote about a video game set in Africa and pointed out that despite being set IN AFRICA all the game characters were these white guys and when the review got published on this South African gaming magazine site, people flipped out. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BRING RACE INTO A DISCUSSION ABOUT VIDEO GAMES?

Seriously?

So I interviewed him and we were talking about Chappie, a sci-fi movie by the same South African director who made the amazing Apartheid sci-fi film District 9. Only Chappie has this white Hip Hop group who are from South Africa teaching a robot to be like their white South African idea of what imaginary Black American Gangsta Life is. Based on, like, MTV or what what.

Do you know how many layers that discussion had?

LAYERS.

We were screaming on the Skype. SCREAMING. It was the best shit ever. At one point all we could both do was laugh.

THAT'S the kind of thing Dark Matters makes it possible to do. Have a that conversation.

You can just imagine how fucking amazing that is.

I have the best job in the universe. OMG.

And my partner- like, every day there are moments and experiences like that for both of us. And then we get to put them where other folks can find them.

BEST THING EVER.

I think we might be able to get away with doing this. Taking geek culture to task for its systemic white supremacy and showing off the important shit getting marginalized. Our brains are exploding.

It makes my palms sweaty like I'm dangling off a zillion story building.

I wonder if we're inviting annihilation.

*twirls*
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For me, minimizing the racist slant that Rob Bliss Creative brought to the Hollaback! street harassment video is fucking tragic and problematic, perpetuating the truth that feminism is held back by a legacy of racism. It is not negligible or acceptable. If we are to truly matter, truly effect change, truly make the world a more just place? Crap like that can't be tolerated or overlooked or rationalized.

I am not interested in a vision of feminism that casually pits one injustice against another. The fucked up politics of race have already nuetralized modern feminism in my lifetime. Rendered it ineffective and opened the door for the movement to be villainized in the public consciousness. So many people suffered and died because of that. To stop that, no bullshit can be tolerated. Intentions are not fucking enough.

If feminism isn't for everyone, it's not really feminism.
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OMG whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! SHUT UP!

*kicks universe over*

10.16

Oct. 16th, 2014 08:06 am
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Stigma in matters of mental health can be constantly insidious. Not only do you typically internalize it but so do the professionals you turn to for assistance and advocacy. Wondering about the motives behind others questioning your decisions- it's a constant that has layers. Are you just being resistant? Resistance is a symptom that accompanies every mental health issue I can think of. Is your skepticism or concern just some sort of paranoia? If its valid, will that be recognized by others or will they undermine it? Believing they know best, seeing you as somehow less than adult or competent because of your diagnosis, with your "best interests" at heart, the educated and experienced individuals you choose or who are thrust into your life can bring their own biases and ignorance into the mix. It's very common. But so is mistakenly perceiving their behavior for that.

Trying to discern which is what can make even a seemingly simple decision a confusing and frustrating process.
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OH MY GOD I MISS MY LJ FLIST
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Wet, warmish fall morning. Massage today- perfect because I recently started weight training with my legs. After 6 years off because of health stuff! The first of my surgeries continues to make life better...

I'm in my new abode and it could not be more lovely. How can I get to stay here without getting hit again by bedbugs, though? I won't worry about it today. I need some time to just feel normal again for a minute. Homeless all summer- it fucks a person's mind up. Wrote up a list of things I can do to get back some of my sense of sanctity, stability.

I can already feel a lessening of anxiety.

Phone gets turned on this morning, working on essay to plead my case to Dept of Education, filling out paperwork for the Not For Profit I'm creating, watch the Supernatural recap special. The loudest, longest laugh went to Mark Shepard talking about Crowley's caller ID which lists Sam and Dean as Moose and Not Moose.

update

Sep. 19th, 2014 08:18 pm
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HuffPost blew us off. But we still had lots of fun mocking the racist, sexist essay the New York Times posted this morning about Shonda Rimes and other black actresses.

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